Jesse Glass has lived in Japan for over 25 years. His work has recently appeared in The Journal of Poetics Research, Otoliths, Golden Handcuffs, Zimzallah. The collections A Charm for Survivors, Black-Out in My Left Eye, Two, and Illuminations from The Life and Death of Peter Stubbe are available from TheKnivesForksandSpoons Press.
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THE TREMENDOUS ADVENTURES
AND THE MIGHTY DEEDS,
RISE, DOWNFALL, LIFE AND DEATH OF A. JACKS (1853)
By Henry W. Faxon
Edited, and with a brief commentary by Jesse Glass
August 2007
Chapter I.
It was night nowhere and nowhere was as dark as a bottle of ink in the bottom of a well, and upon a rugged throne of petrified turtle soup stood the mighty A. Jacks, eating a slice of buttered beeswax, occasionally wetting his lips by drinking fluidical flapjacks turned over.
Around him stood his courtiers.
“Bring forth the whangdoodle, and place it on the hewgog,” he exclaimed with a terrific voice; at the same time cutting off a courtier’s head with the sharp edge of an illuminated cotton bail.
Chapter II.
The whangdoodle was placed upon the hewgog and A. Jacks descended from his throne, twisted a double-headed fish-worm into a corkscrew, drew a cork from a spectral vial, and–
Chapter III.
Too horrible to relate!!!!
Chapter IV.
One of the courtiers, named Fuzzyrinklam, became incensed, transformed himself into an imaginary rhinoceros, swore eternal vengeance, created a rebellion with a remorseless and sanguinary fury, and assassinated the grandfather of nobody’s grandmother, by compelling him to swallow a few fricasseed candle-boxes cross-wise.
A. Jacks buried his grandfather, then he buried himself in a pot of porter-–heels up.
*
Chapter V.
A. Jacks became lonely, and, in order to amuse himself, sold out his interest in a vast estate which he didn’t own, and resolved to travel for the benefit of his illness.
Chapter VI.
He traveled!!!!
*
Chapter VII.
He first journeyed to Olifeiu, near Egypt, on the ice, bound by the coast of Brazil, within a few miles of Oregon. He then found his long-lost sister, who had married the remnants of an Egyptian mummy, in good preservation. She gave the wealthy A. Jacks a grand feast, consisting of stewed lard and fried shoe pegs, and–
Chapter VIII, AND LAST.
The collation, being indigestible, the heroic A. Jacks, and all present, were obliged to die-jest.
Notes
Henry W. Faxon (1826–1864), the probable author of “The Tremendous Adventures of A. Jacks,” was a humorist, newspaper editor, and the creator of the celebrated Silver Lake, New York, lake monster hoax of 1855. Faxon’s father, the Rev. Charles O. Faxon, traveled to Clarksville, Tennessee from New York State and founded the Jeffersonian in 1843 with his sons Charles O., Leonard, and Henry. Described as being unusually clever, Henry Faxon excelled at type-setting and writing humorous content for the family paper while he was still in his teens. Soon he quit the paper, shipped out to sea, and returned to learn telegraphy at which, once again, he is reputed to have become one of the foremost telegraph operators in the South. He returned briefly to the Jeffersonian, then took up an editorial position at the Buffalo Republic where his lake monster hoax sent hundreds of tourists to Silver Lake and created a financial boon for the town.. Sometime during this period Faxon is said to have written the sentimental poem “Beautiful Snow,” a much-reprinted recitation piece in Victorian American popular culture. He left the Republic under a cloud and became an army correspondent for several New York newspapers. Faxon died as a member of the 24th New York Cavalry. He is listed as 37 years old, 5' 4" in height with dark hair and blue eyes on the official death report.
“The Tremendous Adventures of A. Jacks” first appeared in the Clarksville Jeffersonian for April 6, 1853.
“The Tremendous Adventures...of A. Jacks” is a prime example of American absurdist literature, penned by a long-forgotten ante-bellum writer well before the birth of Alfred Jarry.”