Yrik-Max Valentonis wanders through the urban landscape seeking out fairy circles. He makes puppets so other people can see his imaginary friends. He steals apples to justify his philosophy. He is Baba Yaga's favorite grandson.
His comics and writings have appeared in magazines, e-zines, and the anthologies: “Sinbad and the Winds of Destiny”, "Zombie Nation: St. Pete", "Animal Blessings", and "Divided Again".
***
ThE BUgMAn
The
ThursDay:
Where
are you? There was screaming. You remember hearing the screams. It was dark,
you couldn't see. You can't move! You're trapped, tied down! Are you a hostage,
been kidnapped? You scream for help. You hear other people scream. Is this a
death camp, part of the inquisition? You scream in fear this time.
You're
out of breath. Throat sore, ears ringing. Eyes dart around.
Things
look familiar. Have you been here before? Is this deja vu? Maybe it's some
alternative universe. You must have slipped through some kind of quantum
barrier, they say that often causes memory loss. How do you know this? Where
did these words come from? Do you speak the same language as they do? Of
course, everyone speaks English. Even aliens. That could be it, aliens have
taken you!!
Don't
jump to conclusions. You must be careful. Can't give away any secrets when they
come to torture you.
The
room looks generic. A dresser, two doors, a chair and a small table. The
table!!! On the table is your Gob! That is definitely your gob! Gob will know
what has happened. Those fools forgot to tie down Gob. But you can't speak out
loud, they might hear. Good thing Gob is telepathic!!
Gob
doesn't respond. Gob was drugged!! No wonder they didn't tie Gob down.
The
door opens. In steps Sally. Sally is trying to rescue you. You start to talk.
"Shhh.
Calm down. It's OK. Stop squirming."
You're
untied. Free!!
You
try to find out what's going on.
"I
have to go finish my rounds. Just relax."
Yes.
She has to help the other prisoners. She leaves. The S.P.A.C.E. patrol must be
on the way. You go to the dresser. In the bottom drawer is your costume. When
the S.P.A.C.E. patrol gets here you want to be recognizable. You get Gob and
put gob in the special pocket - can't forget your trusty side-kick.
You
know your mission. Go to the control center and destroy their plasma ray and
teleportation device!
Right
before you enter the hallway, you turn on your invisibility field. There are
people coming and going, you dodge by them, you recognize some of the other
agents. They almost can see you, special invisibility sensing training. You
make it to the control center. There are three clones managing the machines.
There is a big sign next to the window.
ThE
BUgMAn Is cOMIng tO EAt yOU Up!!!!! FrIdAy!!
Today
is THuRSday. You must prepare, go to the secret workshop and create a
new-super-spectacu-mega-weapon. One of the other clones sneaks up behind you!
You're captured!!!! The clone stabs you with the mind-numbing-clone-cerebellum-serum-gun.
You're doomed!! They take you to a reprogramming lab.
“How
are you feeling today, Davey? Do you have anything you want to share with the
group?” They are trying to trick you into giving away secrets. You will not
compromise your mission, there are other agents counting on you.
“Nothing.
No. No dreams. Quiet as a Gob. The machines won't crawl around. Bugs crawl.
Bug. Ma. Bugman?”
“Yes,
Davey the Bugman is coming to spray tomorrow.” So tomorrow you die. The Bugman
will spray death and you die. Your mission failed. They talk. They all speak in
code. Machine code. Bug clicking sounds.
They
take you to the factory. They force you to make things. To give away secret
technology. Usually you smash the technology after you make it. That makes them
mad – then the clone stabs you with the mind-numbing-clone-cerebellum-serum-gun
and they take you away. You need to be ready, today will be different, you will
keep your super powerful technology and use it against them. Just like you did
when you made Gob, your side-kick.
"Davey?
What do you want to make with the paper mache?"
"B..
Bu.. Bug?"
"Oh.
Well, how about ... a bug mask?"
No!!! No bugs! Bugs Bad. Mask make you become bug. Become bug! Become
bugMan. Bugman. Bugs don't hurt Bugs. Bugs scared of Man. Become BUgMAn!!!!
"Y..
Ye.. YES!"
Bugs
have armor. Need armor. Shells like turtles. Mutant? No. Thick. Thick armor.
Like sweater Gams gave. Brown green thick scratchy. Icky looking. Like bugs.
Claws. Bugs have claws. Sharp like scissors. Yes. Scissors. In Art room. With
Mask.
You
put on your new improved costume!!! You have a new secret identity! "ThE
BUgMAn!!!!!"
Gob
likes it. Gob tells you that you should sleep. You both need to be ready for
the battle tomorrow. You go to your special top-secret-agent-safe-base, where
the clones keep their costumes.
The
FriDay:
The
door opens. The evil-BugMan-clone-agent has a large-super-spray-death-ray aimed
right at you.
Gob
jumps, doing a side-kick's side-kick, smashing in the evil-BugMan-clone-agent's
face. The large-super-spray-death-ray fires. You duck. Gob has been knocked out
by the evil-BugMan-clone-agent. You use your new-super-spectacu-mega-weapon.
The evil-BugMan-clone-agent is dead. You take his large-super-spray-death-ray
and help Gob back into your special pocket.
You
turn invisible and sneak out of the evil clone alien factory death base.
The
BugMobile is right outside. You hop in and leave. You must get back to the
S.P.A.C.E. secret-base. You don't remember where it is. The clones must have
erased your memory. But you know there are other secret agents out there. You
just have to find one.
The
SaturDay:
Somewhere
in town there is a TV set on. It is three A.M.. There is someone still awake.
The BugMan is riding by. The BugMan sees the blue ghostly flickering of the TV
through the window.
It
flicks its code at him. If he stops to decipher the code, he will be captured.
he knows this.
Red
light. That means stop. The car stops.
They've
trapped him - he freezes.
Memories-
firing into his brain.
On.
Off. On. Off. On. Off.
Just
like that. Memories
On:
MOTHER is screaming. i did something bAd. very BAD. i try to talk. MOTHER Hits
me. :Off
On:
strapped to a table. DOCTOR puts metal on my head. :Off.
On:
next to dumpster. boys come. have paper bag. Laughing. say Mean things. Hurt
me. won't stop. :Off.
Green.
Green. Green.
Go.
Green.
Go.
Green.
Green. Green.
Go.
And
he does.
The
BugMan will NOT eat ME! I Eat Him!
